Oh My Eris

the lunatic pope rope a dope pogo pope g-man whats-a-wobble- head-face?

2012-01-25T01:45:00.001-08:00

A Lunatic Pope Dot Com: HAIL ERIS PRAISE BOB BAN THE FUCKING BOMB RON PAUL 2012

2011-12-26T15:26:00.000-08:00

A Lunatic Pope Dot Com: HAIL ERIS PRAISE BOB BAN THE FUCKING BOMB RON PAUL 2012

REVOLT!!!

2011-12-19T14:57:00.001-08:00

A Lunatic Pope Dot Com: #OccupyTheLibraries

2011-11-01T19:24:00.000-07:00

A Lunatic Pope Dot Com: #OccupyTheLibraries

OCCUPY!!!

I will write a review of any product, sevice, blog, or media, from the perspective of a Discordian Pope for $5 on fiverr.com

2011-10-11T20:02:00.000-07:00

olboyfloats: I will write a review of any product, sevice, blog, or media, from the perspective of a Discordian Pope for $5 on fiverr.com

GIG NOT

RATED YET
EXPECTED
DELIVERY29 DAYS
ORDERS
IN QUEUE0
SELLER NOT RATED YET.
JOINED 2 MONTHS AGO

I am Pope Olboyfloats KSC, falsely known as Timothy Bowen. I am a poet, who has 2 poetry collections published and currently available where all fine books are sold, and Discordian Holy Scribe, with 2 Discordian Holy Books, Jonesboria Discordia and Voices of Chaos, published and also currently available at Amazon.com, Barnes and Nobles, and many other fine book retailers. I also run a website called Papal Reviews, where I review many things.

23 Apples of Eris Writing Competition

2011-10-06T23:45:00.000-07:00

There is a writing competition going on over at the home of the 23 Apples of Eris Cabal. I've submitted the first parts of my Better Know an Offspring seris.

All works will be put into a PDF to be published under the ‘Intermittens’ banner, unless you ask not to be included. (I obviously don't mind being included.)

So, if you're interested in writing something, anything random, check it out.

Enter here by posting your submission as a new thread;
Link
http://www.erisbarandgrill.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=87&page=1

Once you've registered, be sure to hype up my submission: http://www.erisbarandgrill.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=11391

There's a Haiku Battle Going Down

2011-10-01T09:35:00.000-07:00

Round One
A Lunatic Pope: http://www.alunaticpope.com/2011/09/haiku-battle-round-one.html
Hasidic Plumber: http://hasidicplumber.blogspot.com/2011/09/haiku-battle-round-1.html

Round Two
A Lunatic Pope: http://www.alunaticpope.com/2011/10/haiku-battle-round-two-discordian.html
Hasidic Plumber: http://hasidicplumber.blogspot.com/2011/10/haiku-battle-round-2-discordian-haikus.html

JONESBORIA DISCORDIA PART TWO: SO FAR

2011-09-19T00:08:00.000-07:00

So, I've never done this before, but since I love all of you so much, and we're all Popes here, I thought it would be fun to show what I have so far for Jonesboria Discordia Part Two.
Here it is: (be sure to click all the links, clicking is fun)

Jonesboria Discordia Part Two (SO FAR)

book giveaway

2011-09-16T14:37:00.001-07:00

If you don't follow my main blog, you might have missed this: http://popetimothybowen.blogspot.com/2011/09/book-giveaway.html

RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU ARE A POPE

2011-09-11T07:54:00.000-07:00

I'M A POPE. HE'S A POPE. DON'T YOU WANT TO BE A POPE!?!

HEY! NOW WE'RE ALL POPES HERE!!

HAIL ERIS!!!

HERE'S YOUR POPE CARD!

Eris Approves of Bigamists for Rick Perry

2011-09-07T21:04:00.000-07:00

http://www.bigamistsforperry.com/p/who-are-we.html

Eris Approves of That Bastard From Bellingham

2011-09-05T14:34:00.000-07:00

That Bastard From Bellingham is a crazy blogger who I've been following for a while now. He's loud and opinionated, and not afraid to speak his mind. I totally dig what he does.
He runs like 5 different blogs, so apparently has as much of a social life as I do.
Be sure to check one of them out, and give the Bastard some love:

Soothe Your Freaking Beast
That Bastard On...
The Bellingham Jerk
Netflix This!
MAN-FLAVORED MILK!!!!

Eris Approved Blogs

2011-09-03T13:28:00.000-07:00

If you haven't noticed, I've changed the layout on both this blog, and my main blog, that is now called Confessions of a Lunatic Pope.
One of the things I've done, is added a page on the top of this blog for Eris Approved Blogs. Do you see it up there? No? Well then just click this you dummy.
Here's what the award looks like:
If you want to throw one of these on your blog, feel free to do so. Who am I to say if Eris Approves of your blog anyway? Just be sure to let me know so I can add you and promote you. Boosh.
Here's the code:

Eris Tells Me it's About Damn Time I Gave Bob Dobbs His Money

2011-09-02T12:55:00.000-07:00

Do you know who Bob Dobbs is? You should. He's the greatest salesman of all time, and current Deity of the Church of the Subgenius, which is a sister church to the High and Mighty Church of Eris Discordia. Bob has a simple teaching, give him $30 and he'll ensure you get eternal salvation or TRIPLE your money back. That's right folks, if you do end up at the gates of Hell, Bob will be there with $90 to give you.

I've been considering sending Bob the money, and letting him in my bank account so I can open my third nostril properly for a long time now. I think it's almost time to do just that. First, I need to get me some moneys, and hey, guess what!?!? I done interviewed one of the guys who created this Church of the Subgenius malarkey. His name is Reverend Ivan Stang, and you can read the interview in the new book VOICES OF CHAOS! (buy it here 15% off read for free here). Why don't you check it out, and consider sending some of that lovely cash my way so I can send some of it Bob's way, and then we'll all be saved. Also, HAIL BOB.

Eris Wants You To Meet The Hasidic Plumber

2011-08-30T20:03:00.000-07:00

Welcome, it is I Super Princess Forever Pope Olboyfloats, also known as Timothy Bowen, here to announce that Eris has spoken to me again, and she wanted me to tell you that she totally digs this Hasidic Plumber.

HASIDIC PLUMBER: I'm just a hasidic plumber from Brooklyn turned into a late-night talk show host.

He wrote this haiku for me:
I have a sexy beard,
Hasidim are in my heart,
I will fix your pipes

Stop by and say hi: http://hasidicplumber.blogspot.com

Best Statue Ever

2011-08-29T08:05:00.001-07:00

Ed Asner Joins the Truther Army

2011-08-27T09:01:00.000-07:00

Edward Asner (born November 15, 1929), commonly known as Ed Asner, is an American film, television, stage, and voice actor and former president of the Screen Actors Guild, primarily known for his Emmy Award-winning role as Lou Grant on both The Mary Tyler Moore Show and its spin-off series, Lou Grant.
He has recently joined the massive Truther Army, (along with newcomer, Alec Baldwin).
This is the new 15 minute documentary he released:

Eris is pleased and amused.
Are you ready for the 10 year anniversary? Are you a truther? What are your thoughts on the controversy?

I will summon the goddess Eris Discordia and ask her for a favor for you for $5

2011-08-26T15:45:00.000-07:00

olboyfloats: I will summon the goddess Eris Discordia and ask her for a favor for you for $5 on fiverr.com

This is not a joke. I will do this.

Jonesboria Discordia Part Two Submission Deadline Moved Back!!

2011-08-24T03:53:00.001-07:00

Good news for those of you who wanted to submit something for Joneboria Discordia Part Two!! I'm moving the arbitrary deadline back from "late August" to "maybe late September," so I can focus on my upcoming work, Confessions of a Lunatic Pope.

Eris Wishes Ron Paul A Happy Birthday!!

2011-08-20T05:07:00.000-07:00

It's Ron Paul's birthday!! Let's all sing!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOCTOR RON PAUL
LET'S TEAR DOWN THE FED!!!

I Had Sex With Rick Parry And So Can You (THIS MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU BY DISCORDIANS FOR RON PAUL)

2011-08-19T02:06:00.000-07:00

So, I saw this article on Salon, and it began: "An Austin Ron Paul supporter has taken out a full-page ad in the local alt weekly newspaper seeking any "stripper ... escort ... or 'young hottie'" who has slept with Rick Perry, part of his single-minded jihad against the presidential candidate."

My first thoughts? We need to recruit this guy!!
Here's what the ad looks like:

New Ron Paul TV Ad - "The One Who Can Beat Obama"

2011-08-17T23:29:00.000-07:00

Ron Paul has a new TV ad, and it's probably the most epic thing I've ever seen. HAIL ERIS! RON PAUL 2012!!

New Image For Discordians For Ron Paul

2011-08-16T23:57:00.000-07:00

Eris Approves of CHEST KITTENS

2011-08-15T20:21:00.000-07:00

Fellow blogger and awesome dude, nowaysj, has come up with a blog idea that makes me giggle in my tinkle place. It's called CHEST KITTENS, and combines two of the greatest things on this planet, boobs and kitties.
Click on the picture to enjoy the chest kittens.

http://chestkittens.blogspot.com/

Down The Rabbit Hole

2011-08-15T00:35:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the old Choose Your Own Adventure books?
I used to love them when I was a kid.
A few years ago, I made a choose your own adventure story about Discordianism.
Would you like to play?
Go: DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE

So it's a boring Friday night, and you're sitting at your computer. All day you've been illegally downloading music and looking at porn, when you come across something completely new. It's a PDF file of a book called The Principia Discordia.

You read through the whole thing, and think to yourself, "Gee, I think I want to become a Discordian." Having thought this thought, you consult the MegaBarf Listing of Erisian Things to Do and do one or more or maybe even all of them.

The MegaBarf Listing of Erisian Things To Do
1	Declaire yourself a Pope	2	Try to summon Eris	Ï�	Go get a hotdog
4	Print out the contents of the book and eat them	5	Start posting Fnords on message boards	6	Edit the Wikipedia entry on Discordianism
7	Give up	8	Edit this page	9â��	Do something completely random!
10	Invest in a printing press	11	Arm yourself with jellybeans	23	Fnord
13	Add fake, unclickable links on wiki pages	14	This space for rent	15	Seek the 23 Apples of Eris
16	Roll dice	17	Explore the Starseed Trance-Mission	18	Sing a hymn to Discordianism
19	Bless a cockroach	20	Mu	21

Status
Health	23	Equipment: none
MP	23
Level	23

Category: Down the Rabbit Hole

Publish This Picture Under "DISCORDIANS FOR RON PAUL"

2011-08-13T02:21:00.000-07:00

Discordians For Ron Paul

2011-08-12T05:40:00.000-07:00

So, someone came across this blog by searching the term "Discordians For Ron Paul."
I have posted random thoughts exposing myself as a Ron Paul supporter, and feel that if there is a demand, I MUST provide a supply. So, I made a facebook fanpage. Hopefully whoever did that search will find it.
HAIL ERIS
VOTE RON PAUL
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Discordians-For-Ron-Paul/232585683443905

Read Voices of Chaos Online Now

2011-08-08T16:12:00.001-07:00

Voices of Chaos

Eris DEMANDS You Buy This Book, AND Use This Handy Discount Code!!!

2011-08-07T03:14:00.000-07:00

List Price: $15.55

Add to Cart

Voices of Chaos

USE DISCOUNT CODE DNQ6EFV6 TO GET 15% OFF FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY!!!

Authored by Timothy Bowen
Voices of Chaos is a collection of interviews with:

Adam Gorightly - writer of Prankster and the Conspiracy, biography of Kerry Thornley (co-creator of Principia Discordia and presumed second gunman in the JFK conspiracy).
Reverend Loveshade - Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht
Chaplin IM False KSC of The 23rd Street Chapel
Spratzaman Rojas from the band Electric Dragon
Peter Carroll - Author of Liber Null and Psychonaut, founder of IOT
The Discordian Society - A Rock Band it Seems
LOB - One time Station Head of T.O.P.Y. Founder of band Instagon
Rev.Dr. Jon Swabey - Author of Apocrypha Discordia
BOB001 - 011000100110111101100010
Rev. Ivan Stang - co-founder of The Church of The Subgenius
Rev. St. Syn KSC Author of Metaclysmia Discordia
JHESFC - Creators of Jonesboria Discordia
and Beatus Ffungo - Creator of The Summa Discordia

"This splendid historical document shows that humanity did in fact evolve viable antidotes to postmodernist deconstructualism, religious fundamentalism, political correctness, and the war on drugs, some time ago, but has yet to fully deploy them.............."
~Pete Carroll.

Publication Date:: Aug 06 2011
ISBN/EAN13:: 1461175712 / 9781461175711
Page Count:: 74
Binding Type:: US Trade Paper
Trim Size:: 8.5" x 11"
Language:: English
Color:: Full Color
Related Categories:: Religion / History

Eris Wants You To Check Out My New Book

2011-08-06T16:34:00.000-07:00

List Price: $8.00

Add to Cart

About the author:
Timothy Bowen is a poet, self publisher, and Discordian Holy Book Scribe, as well as a Pope, a Boss and pretty much just a simple dude who likes to party.

Hallucinating Arkansas

Authored by Timothy Bowen
Hallucinating Arkansas is the second poetry collection by Timothy Bowen.

Publication Date:: May 10 2011
ISBN/EAN13:: 146117239X / 9781461172390
Page Count:: 82
Binding Type:: US Trade Paper
Trim Size:: 6" x 9"
Language:: English
Color:: Black and White with Bleed
Related Categories:: Poetry / American / General

I also started a new crowdfunding campaign:

To get the word out about my newest poetry collection, Hallucinating Arkansas. I am hoping to get radio ads for the book, as well as other sources of adertizing.

Ways You Can Help

Buy a copy of the book. Share this campaign. Share the video ads. If you're a blogger, you can request a PDF copy of the book to review. If you have a blog with heavy traffic, and are in America, contact me and I might just send you a free review copy.

Eris is Still Talking to Me

2011-08-01T15:43:00.001-07:00

I'm just not blogging about it as much.

Floating Video Sermons...History Kind Of...

2011-07-18T18:32:00.000-07:00

Some time ago, Eris made me make video sermons. Please note that each of these videos mentions a now defunct website, ohmyeris.com. That site cost money, that I just haven't had. So, when you hear ohmyeris.com, be sure to add in "blogspot"...as in ohmyeris.blogspot.com...(the site you're on now)

ENJOY!

If I ever feel like the world deserves it, I'll make more.

Better Know An Offspring: Grandchildren Edition

2011-07-12T21:56:00.000-07:00

The only one of Eris' children to have any offspring of their own is Lethe. Her children are THE KHARITES, and DIONYSOS.

Dionysos is the great Olympian god of wine, vegetation, pleasure and festivity. The Kharites are the Goddesses of grace, beauty, adornment, mirth, festivity, dance and song. A number of "younger Kharites" presided over the other pleasures of life, including play, amusement, banqueting, floral decoration, happiness, rest and relaxation.

Dionysos has a horde of children, both mortal and divine, and is a bit of a party monster.

The Kharites, or Charities, are lovely, and very pleasant to be around. They are without offspring.

Most of humanity spends a lot of their time trying to spend time with any of these amazing spirits, especially Dionysos.

One might wonder, how could these wonderful, happy, pleasant, and positive spirits be related to Eris and the rest of her offspring; however, when you understand the true nature of Chaos, and the world we live in, it's easy to see how the spirits of Murder and Floral Decoration to be related.

Just imagine Thanksgiving Dinner at Grandma Eris' house.

No really. I want you to imagine it.

Eris Wants You To Donate

2011-07-11T15:46:00.000-07:00

Only 12 days left and halfway to the goal. Please share this link and consider donating: http://igg.me/p/27983?a=143409&i=shlk

Eris Asked For An Updated List Of Holy Books

2011-07-11T03:14:00.000-07:00

here's what I have so far. Let me know if I missed any.

Eris Is Now On Google+ And Has Invites

2011-07-10T20:04:00.001-07:00

Eris Discordia is everywhere, even on Google+
Check out her profile: https://plus.google.com/115590436301982251755

Also, if you want an invite, leave your gmail address in a comment

Eris Asked For Tin Foil Hats

2011-07-08T03:28:00.001-07:00

Jonesboria Discordia Part Two: The Search For More Money- Update

2011-07-06T16:07:00.000-07:00

So, I've been working pretty diligently on the new book. It will be the first sequel to The Principia Discordia to have a sequel of it's own, and I know how much Discordians love sequels. SEQUEL!!
Almost 80 pages done. Still looking for more. SUBMIT THINGS!!

Better Know An Offspring: Special Edition – NEIKEA

2011-07-02T17:41:00.000-07:00

I know I stated in my last “Better Know” that it would be the final one. I lied. Get over it.

THE NEIKEA are spirits of quarrels, feuds, and grievances. They one group out of a host of malevolent spirits born of Eris.

THE NEIKEA are the dark side of THE AMPHILOGIAI. They are also pea sized little demons, and spend most of their time on message boards, and among married couples. They are the Gods of Internet Trolls.

This is what they do for fun:

baconweave

It's not just bacon; it's libertarian bacon. NPR

Tim Bowen more like Anarcho Capitalist bacon

Robert Bowen It's freedom bacon you commie pinko socialist wacko. Or perhaps this bacon weave is some kind of devious plot. Can't a bacon weave just be bacon?

Tim Bowen you're the pinko socialist. i bet you want everyone to have a share of the bacon weave

Robert Bowen The free market needs to decide the portions of the bacon weave Comrade Tim.

Tim Bowen What if John Galt wants the whole weave to himself? What if he feels that, as creator of the bacon weave, he should be entitled to the whole thing?

Robert Bowen The bacon weave might have came from one man but it now belongs to the world, mostly America. John Galt can eat all the dicks. No Objectivist could have come up with a bacon weave.

Tim Bowen Gee Bob, good job getting all Agenda 21 and denying people private property rights. Globalist.

Robert Bowen No, the bacon weave is to great a gift to humanity to simply hoard it to ourselves. If other country's hate our freedom imagine how much they will hate our bacon weave!

Tim Bowen ‎*Starts Alex Jones Impression* Globalist!! What you call "hoarding resources" used to be called "private property rights." And you hide behind your Globalist agenda with your red herring argument about people "hating us for our freedom."

Robert Bowen ‎*Starts Glen Beck Impression* You know who wants too keep the bacon weave to themselves folks, well, let me tell you. It's Islamicists. That's who. They want you to have to get your bacon weave from your local temple, in accordance with SHIAH LAW!!!

Tim Bowen aw shit....that bacon is not halal

Eris Asked Me to Make A Facebook Page For Her Favorite Offspring

2011-07-02T05:36:00.001-07:00

Better Know an Offspring: Part Eight – AMPHILOGIAE and PSEUDOLOGOI

2011-07-01T00:52:00.000-07:00

THE AMPHILOGIAI are the Goddesses of disputes, debate and contention. THE PSEUDOLOGOI are the Gods of lies and falsehoods.

These are the little demons that pollute all politics. They are barely the size of a pea, and live in the capitols of every country, following around politicians, making them lie, and encouraging pointless argument.

Recently they found a new home in 24 hour cable news.

Much like with PHONOI, MACHAE and ANDROCTASIAE, I decided it would be in my best interests to not bother trying to have a conversation with AMPHILOGIAE and PSEUDOLOGOI.

Turn on Fox News any day to hear them. (Or, if you're reading this in the distant future, look up Glenn Beck's Greatest Hits on whatever replaced Google in your weird nano-future).

This concluded my series on Better Knowing The Offspring of Our Goddess Eris Discordia.

THIS TRUTH IS NOW HOLY SCRIPTURE!. LET IT BE WRITTEN AND SHARED ON MOUNTAINTOPS!!! HAIL ERIS! HAIL DISCORD! HAIL BOB! HAIL GLYCON! HAIL Dysnomia! HAIL HAIL WHAT CAN I SAIL!!??

Better Know an Offspring: Part Seven – PHONOI, MACHAE and ANDROCTASIAE

2011-07-01T00:27:00.000-07:00

THE PHONOI are the spirits of murder, killing and slaughter. THE MAKHAI are spirits of battle and combat. THE ANDROKTASIAI are the Goddesses of battlefield slaughter. I know, right? Seems like they're all pretty much the same. Thing is, none of them care about the differences, other than that The PHONOI show up at non-battlefield killing, and all 3 show up at the battlefield. So, I guess you can say The PHONOI are a little more sociable.

There's dozens of them, all battle hungry and constantly sharpening weapons when not killing. None of them have children, and I guess you can say they're all married to the battlefield.

I've always been somewhat of a pacifist, so I honestly didn't even bother trying to meet with any of these psychos.

If for some strange reason you're interested in actually “better knowing” any of them, feel free to book a trip to the middle east. I hear that they've been hanging out there for years.

Better Know An Offspring: Part Six - LETHE

2011-06-30T16:04:00.000-07:00

LETHE is the Goddess of forgetfulness and oblivion. She lives in the underworld river that is named after her, LETHE. She has two beautiful daughters, THE KHARITES, and DIONYSOS, both fathered by her grandfather Zeus.

She has a very important duty, in that she keeps the river flowing, and keeps new souls from remembering past lives.

I, obviously, have no memory at all of visiting with LETHE. Thankfully, I brought a note pad, and can transcribe what I wrote down during our conversation. Warning, it makes very little sense.

This river is fucking cold man. Wow. But it feels good.
Man, it's pretty crazy that this chick boned her grandfather, twice.
Whoah, was that Elvis and Tupak?
LETHE=BEST WEED DEALER EVER. Seriously, this shit is insane. I'm more baked than I've ever been in my life. Need to remember to ask what she called this stuff
SO MUCH EVIDENCE OF CONSPIRACY, ALEX JONES IS SO MUCH MORE RIGHT ON THAN I EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE
I absolutely have to name my toes after this. It's the only way

Looking back, I can't honestly say if any of the notes were even written by me. It looks like my handwriting. I kind of wish I had brought a camcorder. Maybe I did but I forgot it. Maybe I did lots of things and forgot about it.

Better Know An Offspring: Part Five – Dysnomia

2011-06-30T02:25:00.001-07:00

Dysnomia is the spirit of lawlessness and poor civil constitution. She is by far, the most popular of Eris' children. She's had a moon named after her, a mental disorder named after her, and even a genus of freshwater mussels named after her. Dysnomia is actually the name of the only moon of the Dwarf Planet Eris. (Which completely pisses off her other kids).

Dysnomia has no kids of her own, and is unmarried, yet spends a lot of time with the Goddesses Adikia and Hybris. Occasionally they let her younger sister ATE tag along as well.

Her symbol is quite similar to the hand of Eris:

My visit with Dysnomia kicked ass. She has the coolest anti-riot gear weaponry you'll ever see, lots of anarchist literature, and brews a home-brew that tastes great and knocks you on your ass.

During our conversation she nearly convinced me to start a second American Civil War as soon as possible, and for a minute, had me convinced not only that I alone could pull it off, but that it was the best idea in the world.

Dysnomia is why we have punk rock, the Seattle Riots, outlaw country, crazed militias, and Ron Paul.

I had such a good time hanging out with Dysnomia, I'm considering creating a splinter group of Discordians who also revere the Awesome Dysnomia. Perhaps Dysnomians? Maybe I'll write a Principia Dysnomia that will be part Holy Book, part Anarchists Cookbook...

WALK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN!

OVERTHROW THE DICTATORS!!

Better Know An Offspring: Part Four - The Algea

2011-06-30T01:27:00.000-07:00

The Algea are spirits of pain and suffering (of both body and mind), grief, sorrow and distress. They are the bringers of weeping and tears, and oddly enough, are really great hosts.

The three sisters are named ALGOS, AKHOS & LUPA. They're all very pretty, polite, and frail.

Like most of Eris' offspring, The Algea are without children, or spouse, and are generally shunned universally by men and Gods alike.

My visit with the Algea was brief, pleasant, and depressing. I could tell why the Ancient Greeks did not welcome a visit from these sisters. They just constantly go on and on about death and torture and Guantanamo Bay and genocide and preteen suicide and crib death and miscarriages and forgotten old people in nursing homes and the end of Ol' Yeller and dolphin safe tuna and eventually you just want to either smack them to shut them up, or start crying with them.

I'm not even going to bother trying to transcribe any of our conversation. It wouldn't make any sense, and would go on and on endlessly on sadder and sadder tangents, effectively saying nothing in the end.

I found that the best way to get away from The Algea was to laugh a whole lot, tell a dead baby joke, and let myself out.

I did get LUPA's email. I've always had a thing for hot Latinos.

Eris Made Me Make Some Comics

2011-06-29T20:31:00.000-07:00

Better Know An Offspring: Part Three - LIMOS AND PONOS

2011-06-29T17:06:00.000-07:00

PONOS is the spirit of hard labour and toil. LIMOS is the spirit of of hunger and starvation. LIMOS made her home in a freezing and gloomy wasteland at the farthest edge of Scythia, where the soil is barren and nothing grows.

Her hair was coarse, her face sallow, her eyes sunken; her lips crusted and white; her throat scaly with scurf. Her parchment skin revealed the bowels within; beneath her hollow loins jutted her withered hips; her sagging breasts seemed hardly fastened to her ribs; her stomach only a void; her joints wasted and huge, her knees like balls, her ankles grossly swollen. In other words, she's a hottie.

PONOS is currently staying with his sister in the gloomy wasteland, toiling away at making the land inhabitable. PONOS is a large man, full of muscles and bulk.

Neither of the two have born any children, and are both shunned and avoided by both Gods and man.

I made my way to their home recently to have a chat with the two about their mom, and other siblings. Sadly, neither of them wanted to talk about much of anything. LIMOS kept wailing about how hungry she was, and PONOS kept yelling about how he was the only one who did any work around the house.

I decided it would be best to just not interview them, considering what horrible hosts they were. (Well, at least neither of them tried walking on my head).

Jonesboria Discordia Part Two: The Search For More Money

2011-06-29T03:14:00.001-07:00

Eris has been speaking to me a lot lately. During our frequent conversations, she revealed to me that it is about time I got off my ass and put together the long awaited sequal to the cult hit Jonesboria Discordia. So, I have a good chunk of it put together, and am now accepting submissions of anything creative you'd like to be published forever in a Holy Book that will be available in libraries, Amazon.com, and many other fine bookselling establishemnts. Send me poems, rants, pictures, graphs, powerpoint presentations, song lyrics, ransom notes, love letters, and anything else you crazy kids deem to print and I will put it in the book uncensored, and unedited. In full color even.

Here's what I will do: Give you whatever credit you want. Link to your webpage? fine. Your cellphone number? I don't know why you'd want to put that in there but hey, I'm here to make you happy not pass judgements.

Here's what I won't do: change, edit, censor, deny, reject, or pay royalties.

If these conditions meet your standards, and you have something to share that you'd like to send, hit me up at timbsbookclub@gmail.com

Better Know An Offspring: Part Two - HORKOS

2011-06-28T20:20:00.000-07:00

Horkos, the personification of an oath, is the son of Eris, and the avenger of perjury. He is a punitive companion of the goddess Dike. Eris birthed him, with the help of the Erinyes (Furies), to be a plague on those who take false oath.

During the medieval ages Horkos was identified as a demon, depicted with the head of a pig, who would ravage corpses to quench his insatiable appetite. Sacrifices in the form of pigs were offered to Horkos to keep him at bay, which likely led to the belief that he was the king of the Orcs.

Horkos still lives with his mother, Eris, and has born no children. He likes to consider himself an Eternal Bachelor. (Of course, who would want to mate with a pig-faced demon?)

I sat down with Horkos recently, and here's how our conversation went:

“So, are you really the king of the Orcs?”

“Nope. That's a bad rumor. During the short time that Orcs existed on this plane, I did hang out with them a lot. No one parties like an Orc.”

“What did you do to be punished with forced companionship with the Goddess Dike?”

“Oddly enough, I broke an oath. I don't like to talk about it.”

“Why do you still live with your mom?”

“Not many people want to take me in. I sleep on Dike's couch sometimes, and occasionally still run with the Furies, but Mom and ATE need me. I'm the only one who cleans around here.”

At this point in our conversation, ATE began walking on our heads and giggling menacingly, effectively ending our interview, and bringing bank my headache. I left their abode looking forward to “Better Knowing” the rest of Eris' children. Thankfully none of the rest of them live with her.

Better Know An Offspring: Part One - ATE

2011-06-28T18:34:00.000-07:00

ATE is the spirit of delusion, infatuation, blind folly, rash action and reckless impulse who led men down the path to ruin. Her power was countered by the Litai (her do-good sisters) which followed in her wake, cleaning up her messes.

ATE is the child of Zeus and Eris, which, if you believe that crap about Zeus being Eris' dad, makes ATE the offspring of incest. (A very common thing among Gods, Royalty, and Southerners)

She once played a nasty trick on her dad, Zeus, at the birth of Heracles, to take an oath by which Hera was afterwards enabled to give to Eurystheus the power which had been destined for Heracles. When Zeus discovered his rashness, he hurled Ate from Olympus and banished her for ever from the abodes of the gods, which is why she still lives at home with Eris. (They both kind of have a grudge against Zeus). ATE likes to walk on the heads of men rather than touch the Earth. Eris finds this very amusing.

ATE has one daughter, PEITHO, the goddess of persuasion, seduction and charming speech. Some also consider her responsible for Rape, which she fervently denies. PEITHO does not live with her mother and grandmother. She, unlike Eris and ATE, is still in pretty good terms with the Gods of Olympus, and is often seen running amok with Aphrodite.

I spoke briefly with ATE on my most recent visit to Eris. Our conversation went a little like this:

“So, your name is the past tense of 'to eat,' how's that feel?”

“It feels pretty awesome. One day I will eat the world and my name will make more sense. Until then, I will entertain myself by walking on the heads of men.”

She then proceeded to walk on my head for a while. This amused Eris, which is always a good thing. (no one likes an un-amused Eris)

My head still kind of hurts. Not that I'm complaining.

Eris Tells Me About Her Family

2011-06-28T17:58:00.000-07:00

The most common understanding is that Eris is the daughter of Zeus and Hera. Others claim she is the offspring of Erebos and Nyx, while a few claim she has but one parent, Nyx. I asked Eris who her real parents were, and as it turns out, none of these are true. It turns out that she is much older than the Gods of Greece, and even older than the Elder Gods of Lovecraft. As the creator of conflict and strife, Eris was there at the Big Bang, hell, she caused it. The only "parents" she claims to have been born of are what she calls "dirty thoughts of humans and other sentient playthings."

So, the next question I had for Eris was about her offspring. It's listed that her "official" children are PONOS, LETHE, LIMOS, THE ALGEA, THE HYSMINAI, THE MAKHAI, THE PHONOI, THE ANDROKTASIAI, THE NEIKEA, THE PSEUDOLOGOI, THE AMPHILOGIAI, DYSNOMIA, ATE, and HORKOS. Turns out, she doesn't claim any of them. Horkos and Ate still live with her, but she constantly yells at them that they are "adopted scum," and that their real parents are "those god-damned Kardashians."

I then asked if she still follows her brother Ares into war, to which she replied "Brother? I barely fucking know the guy!"

At this point I realized that perhaps this was not a good day to be questioning her about family. The Original Snub must still be bothering her.

Eris Wants You To Buy Syn's Books

2011-06-27T19:31:00.000-07:00

If, for some reason, you want to buy Discordian books that aren't things I'm selling, may I recommend you check out:

Metaclysmia Discordia

Price:	$14.96

Ships in 3–5 business days

A tale, of love, action, horror, comedy and two cities. She was a Greek Goddess with a penchant for golden apples, he was a random Scotsman with too much spare time. Together, they would bring about the Greatest Book in living hsitory, one guaranteed to change the world; the METACLYSMIA DISCORDIA! TINGLE with anticipation as you read the truth about the menace of Discordianism! SQUEAL in delight as you read about many tentacled oozing things from other dimensions! FAINT in horror is the terrible truth about Discordian haikus are revealed! JUMP with delight as you learn how to avoid a face-raping bat! Note: Blurb may or may not be intended for this actual book. Also, the blurb writers accept no responsibility as to the existence of the universe and therefore the validity of this product.

Add to Cart

Ratings & Reviews | Product Details

OTHER GREAT BOOKS FROM THE Synaptyclypse Generator STORE:

OSS Simple Sabotage Manual
Recently declassified as an 'obsolete military manual,' it is still relevant today; particularly for modern life hackers, culture jammers and agents of Discord in general. It’s amazing to see how many of the techniques for sabotaging organisations have become almost institutionalised. Do you recognise any saboteurs in your organisation?!
Print: $4.66
Download: $3.19

Apocrypha Discordia
fnOrd! The Apocrypha Discordia, following Discordian tradition is, as it should be, a completely unofficial sequel to the Principia Discordia. Essential reading for everyone in the world. Buy it now and don't screw your eyes up reading it on screen! It would be funky to have a printed copy of the Apocrypha. This work is Kopyleft, so theoretically anyone could publish it, including Steve Jackson. Hundreds of hours may have gone into this work over the years, but I haven't actually composed any (well, most ) of the contents. I am a mere transcribe. The Rev. DrJonBrisVegas, Oz, 2002Not Dead Yet.
Hardcover Print: $20.56

The Grimoire of the Troll v1.0
The Troll Mantra: I am a troll. If you reply to me, you have been trolled. If you react in any way, shape or form, you have been trolled. If you say I fail, you have been trolled. If you say anything contradicting me, you have been trolled. I am a troll.
Print: $4.78
Download: FREE

The Book of Chaos and it's Virtue
The follow up to The Book of Eris, sees the mighty Erisian Chaosopher, Monsignor Vincent Sebastian Verthaine, K.S.C. chanelling Eris once more, for your entertainment, education and enlightenment.
Print: $12.96

Sigil Magic Seminar
Do you wish to learn an effective and simple way of enchantment that requires no shift in belief and no membership to any religion? Sigil Magic may be for you. Sigil Magic today is the most common magical technique used among Chaos Magicians. They have stripped away the tangled yarns of occultist pedantry and discovered the basic techniques for magic. They boil down to intention, path opening, linking, gnosis, shooting/firing, and forgetting. These are the essentials for any successful results magic. No matter what your level of magical training or experience, by the time you have finished reading what I have to present to you, you will be well on your way in the practice of Sigil Magic. From there, it is up to you.
Print: $5.96
Download: FREE

Principia Entropius
In the early 1990’s, contrary to popular belief, Discordianism was very much alive and well and living in the wires. The Bulletin Board Systems of the day were home to a tech savvy tribe of philosophers, theologians, magicians, scientists, artists, clowns, and similar maniacs who were intrigued with ERIS GODDESS OF CONFUSION and with her doings. These are some of their(mis)adventures.
Print: $13.95

Principia Discordia
-->ALL PROCEEDS GO TO MAINTAINING POEE.CO.UK<-- Here we are in 2009 (or YOLD 3175), fifty, or fifty-one years after Mal2 and Omar's Discordian revelations at the hands of the Goddess Eris. Synaptyclypse Generator is proud to present this special edition of the legendary counter-culture classic, the bible of Discordianism. For this edition, we have included Kerry W. Thornley's introduction and Robert Anton Wilson's introduction. We include all the material from the last Loompanics printing and any odd bits left over from the Illuminet version. We have closing 'Outroductions' by the Rev.DrJon Swabey (Apocrypha Discordia) and 'crackpot historian,' Adam Gorightly, (The Prankster and the Conspiracy, The Story of Kerry Thornley and How He Met Oswald and Inspired the Counterculture.) It also features the most sumptuously gorgeous cover that any edition has ever had. - Rev. St. Syn, KSC poee.co.uk -->ALL PROCEEDS GO TO MAINTAINING POEE.CO.UK<--
Print: $16.01
Download: $8.00

The Book of Life
Top Ten Responses Regarding the Origin of
Pages From The Book of Life

10) They were lonely and they followed me home.
9) The Men in Black delivered them.
8) I dug them up just like that guy who found the Book of the Mormon.
7) They really were transmitted from the Dog Star.
6) I don't know. Ask Diogenes.
5) They were crying, in a basket on the stoop.
4) The Goddess delivered them personally.
3) They turned up one day, looking for Ffnords. I'm helping them look.
2) Jesus left me a copy. He thought they were cool.
1) Don't ask me, I'm just the Custodian.
Print: $9.96

All of these books and more Great Discordian Holy Books can be downloaded for free at The POEE UK Resource Center

Eris Blessed Me With The Best Fart Joke Ever, And The Bees Secrets

2011-06-25T15:49:00.000-07:00

BEST FART JOKE EVER

So, today I caught the new episode of the show Louie. In this episode was the longest, most drawn out, dramatic, intense, heavy, serious, and thought provoking fart joke I've ever seen. I won't spoil it, but I highly suggest checking it out. I've always been a fan of Louie C.K., and am pleased as punch to see that he not only stars in this brilliant piece of television, but that he writes, directs, and produces it. He's like the Orson Welles of self-deprecating, mature audience sitcoms.

THE SECRET OF THE BEES

Also today, Eris revealed to me where all the bees are going. People have been freaking out a lot lately about how bees are mysteriously disappearing. Turns out, it has nothing to do with Climate Change or Factory Farming or Pesticides or Monsanto Conspiracies. The truth Eris revealed to me is that, in fact, the bees finally got around to seeing the Jerry Seinfeld movie, BEE MOVIE, and are hiding in shame.

Also this:

Eris Told Me Some People Don't Like Paying For Things

2011-06-24T17:41:00.000-07:00

ARE YOU A PIRATE!?!
DO YOU HATE BUYING THINGS!?!?

GUESS WHAT!?!?
You can read the entire Jonesboria Discordia online for free!!!

Check it out:
Jonesboria Discordia

Eris, My Muse, My Goddess - Visual Art

2011-06-22T03:43:00.000-07:00

I made this picture a few years back, and used it as a back cover for one of the various Discordian Holy Books that I published and sold. I have since stopped selling Discordian Holy Books, other than The Jonesboria Discordia. The image will be used in my upcoming Poetry Collection, Hallucinating Arkansas. I dig it.

(NOTE: Part of this image was also used for the album cover to BLISS by my former solo music project Bad Spelling and Grammar.)

Eris Is Pleased With My Bow Tie and Fez

2011-06-20T23:01:00.000-07:00

Eris told me today that she was quite pleased with my bow tie and fez.
They are part of a set that was gifted to me from my mom, who works at the local Salvation Army.

The set includes the fez, the bow tie, 2 other bow ties, the badge I'm wearing in the picture below, a ceremonial apron, and many pamphlets on Scottish Rite Freemasonry. Most of the pamphlets are instructions on how to perform secret handshakes (expect youtube tutorials soon), as well as a few on how to perform 33rd degree ceremonies.

Eris Schools Me In Politics

2011-06-19T02:13:00.000-07:00

Depressed, and unfairly attacking President Obama on my Facebook wall, like I frequently do, Eris came to me in the form of an Enbrel commercial.

"Hello Pope Olboyfloats, I'm Phil Mickelson, I understand you have a problem with your tribal leader."

"Yes, I do. I don't like the wars. I'm angry that

Bush and Cheney are free to walk the streets after committing their war crimes while the young private who exposed the war crimes is behind bars. I'm upset that Guantanamo Bay is still open."

"Did you not read the damned Principia Discordia? I had a very similar conversation with one of the other famous Popes."

"True, that and you are, pretty much, the reason humanity started fighting wars in the first place, huh?"

"I am, and don't you ever forget it."

"Well, I still think I'm voting for RON PAUL this time around."

"No comment."

After the Enbrel commercial ended, and Eris and Phil Mickelson were no longer one, my anger towards Obama had faded, my hopes that Eris would endorse Ron Paul were squashed, and my belly felt all squishy.

THIS TRUTH IS NOW HOLY SCRIPTURE!. LET IT BE WRITTEN AND SHARED ON MOUNTAINTOPS!!!

Eris Asked Me To Name A New Saint

2011-06-12T11:18:00.000-07:00

Justin Drew Bieber, pop star and wet dream inducer for many middle aged women, has been speaking out a lot lately about what he sees wrong with the world. First, he called America EVIL for making it's citizens pay for health care. And now, he's refusing to play politics with Israel.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but the kid has serious talent, and a mind of his own, and isn't afraid to speak out. Lots of people so easily forget how the Beatles were no different than your average boy band back in the day. "I Wanna Hold Your Hand"..."She Loves Me Yeah Yeah Yeah"...easily could have been written by the Backstreet Boys or N'Sync. The only reason the Beatles went from a fan-base of 12 year old screaming girls to hippies and intellectuals, was because they too had serious talent, minds of their own, and weren't afraid to speak out. I see a lot of John Lennon in Justin Bieber.

So, when Eris asked me to name a new saint, it was an easy choice for me. So, without further adieu, I am pleased to grant Justin Drew Bieber Sainthood in the Erisian Church.

THIS TRUTH IS NOW HOLY SCRIPTURE!. LET IT BE WRITTEN AND SHARED ON MOUNTAINTOPS!!!

Eris Has Been Showing Me THE FUTURE

2011-06-09T22:45:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, Eris directed me to this news story.
In the story, it is stated that "The [South Korean] Defense Ministry is apparently minded to use songs and music videos by manufactured girl bands such as Girls' Generation, Wonder Girls, After School, Kara and 4minute in ... psychological warfare against North Korea."

Ladies and Gentlemen, let me now share the Divine Prophetic Wisdom of Eris Discordia, Our Goddess and Cool Chick, that she shared with me.
FIRST: The South Koreans WILL use the girl bands as weapons, and WILL win.
SECOND: They WILL NOT stop at North Korea, but in fact, conquer ALL OF ASIA.
(*NOTE: It's already happening: so much evidence)
THIRD: Eventually K-Pop Girl Bands will take over the rest of the world.

THESE THREE TRUTHS ARE NOW HOLY SCRIPTURE. LET IT BE WRITTEN AND SHARED ON MOUNTAINTOPS!!

also, meet your new sexy overlords:

You can watch my documentation of the takeover at: http://alltheprettygirlbands.blogspot.com/

Eris Told Me To Write A Bible

2011-06-06T04:32:00.000-07:00

JONESBORIA DISCORDIA

By JHESFC KSC

View this Author's Spotlight

Paperback, 322 pages

(6 Ratings)

List Price:	$14.65
Price:	$11.72
You Save:	$2.93 ( 20% )

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Jonesboria Discordia OR How we found the Goddess and how much money we'll accept for her ransom Jonesboria Discordia continues in the Discordian tradition of The Principia Discordia, Metaclysmia Discordia, Apocrypha Discordia, Summa Discordia,The Book of Eris, ect ect. In this book you will find out how to become S.T.U.P.I.D., how to shave like a proper Discordian, who this mysterious JOCKO is, along with brand new coloring activites, poetry, short stories, and a HUGE appenice that contains The Zenarchist Cookbook in it's entirety, along with MUCH MUCH MUCH MORE!!! This is the LARGEST book of Chaos yet!!! (in page numbers and in effect on the world) Perhaps the south is already on the rise again!

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Have one to sell? Sell yours here

Eris Told Me To Publish This Book

2011-06-06T04:29:00.000-07:00

Voices of Chaos

Voices of Chaos is a collection of interviews with:

Adam Gorightly - writer of Prankster and the Conspiracy, biography of Kerry Thornley (co-creator of Principia Discordia and presumed second gunman in the JFK conspiracy).

Reverend Loveshade - Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht

Chaplin IM False KSC of The 23rd Street Chapel

Spratzaman Rojas from the band Electric Dragon

Peter Carroll - Author of Liber Null and Psychonaut, founder of IOT

The Discordian Society

LOB - One time Station Head of T.O.P.Y. Founder of band Instagon

Rev.Dr. Jon Swabey - Author of Apocrypha Discordia

BOB001 - 1010101010110101010101010

Rev. Ivan Stang - co-founder of The Church of The Subgenius

Rev. St. Syn KSC Author of Metaclysmia Discordia

JHESFC - Creators of Jonesboria Discordia

and Beatus Ffungo - Creator of The Summa Discordia

The book is currently being Crowd Funded. If you'd like to take part in this awesome project, and get cool things like signed copies and rare hardcovers, click on the image bellow.

Eris Speaks Directly To Me

2011-06-06T03:27:00.000-07:00

As a High Pope of Discord, Eris Discordia speaks directly to me. This blog will be my channel to share the knowledge and wisdom granted to me by Thee Goddess.

Don't know who Eris is?

Eris (Greek Ἔρις, "Strife") is the Greek goddess of strife and discord, her name being translated into Latin as Discordia. Her Greek opposite is Harmonia, whose Latin counterpart is Concordia. Homer equated her with the war-goddess Enyo, whose Roman counterpart is Bellona. The dwarf planet Eris is named after the goddess.

Eris on an Attic plate, ca. 575-525 BC

Oh My Eris

the lunatic pope rope a dope pogo pope g-man whats-a-wobble- head-face?

A Lunatic Pope Dot Com: HAIL ERIS PRAISE BOB BAN THE FUCKING BOMB RON PAUL 2012

REVOLT!!!

A Lunatic Pope Dot Com: #OccupyTheLibraries

I will write a review of any product, sevice, blog, or media, from the perspective of a Discordian Pope for $5 on fiverr.com

23 Apples of Eris Writing Competition

There's a Haiku Battle Going Down

JONESBORIA DISCORDIA PART TWO: SO FAR

book giveaway

RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU ARE A POPE

Eris Approves of Bigamists for Rick Perry

Eris Approves of That Bastard From Bellingham

Eris Approved Blogs

Eris Tells Me it's About Damn Time I Gave Bob Dobbs His Money

Eris Wants You To Meet The Hasidic Plumber

Best Statue Ever

Ed Asner Joins the Truther Army

I will summon the goddess Eris Discordia and ask her for a favor for you for $5

Jonesboria Discordia Part Two Submission Deadline Moved Back!!

Eris Wishes Ron Paul A Happy Birthday!!

I Had Sex With Rick Parry And So Can You (THIS MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU BY DISCORDIANS FOR RON PAUL)

New Ron Paul TV Ad - "The One Who Can Beat Obama"

New Image For Discordians For Ron Paul

Eris Approves of CHEST KITTENS

Down The Rabbit Hole

Publish This Picture Under "DISCORDIANS FOR RON PAUL"

Discordians For Ron Paul

Read Voices of Chaos Online Now

Eris DEMANDS You Buy This Book, AND Use This Handy Discount Code!!!

Voices of Chaos

USE DISCOUNT CODE DNQ6EFV6 TO GET 15% OFF FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY!!!

Eris Wants You To Check Out My New Book

Hallucinating Arkansas

Eris is Still Talking to Me

Floating Video Sermons...History Kind Of...

Better Know An Offspring: Grandchildren Edition

Eris Wants You To Donate

Eris Asked For An Updated List Of Holy Books

here's what I have so far. Let me know if I missed any.

Links

Eris Is Now On Google+ And Has Invites

Eris Asked For Tin Foil Hats

Jonesboria Discordia Part Two: The Search For More Money- Update

Better Know An Offspring: Special Edition – NEIKEA

Eris Asked Me to Make A Facebook Page For Her Favorite Offspring

Better Know an Offspring: Part Eight – AMPHILOGIAE and PSEUDOLOGOI

Better Know an Offspring: Part Seven – PHONOI, MACHAE and ANDROCTASIAE

Better Know An Offspring: Part Six - LETHE

Better Know An Offspring: Part Five – Dysnomia

Better Know An Offspring: Part Four - The Algea

Eris Made Me Make Some Comics

Better Know An Offspring: Part Three - LIMOS AND PONOS

Jonesboria Discordia Part Two: The Search For More Money

Better Know An Offspring: Part Two - HORKOS

Better Know An Offspring: Part One - ATE

Eris Tells Me About Her Family

Eris Wants You To Buy Syn's Books

If, for some reason, you want to buy Discordian books that aren't things I'm selling, may I recommend you check out:

Metaclysmia Discordia

Eris Blessed Me With The Best Fart Joke Ever, And The Bees Secrets

Eris Told Me Some People Don't Like Paying For Things

Eris, My Muse, My Goddess - Visual Art

Eris Is Pleased With My Bow Tie and Fez

Eris Schools Me In Politics

Eris Asked Me To Name A New Saint

Eris Has Been Showing Me THE FUTURE

Eris Told Me To Write A Bible

JONESBORIA DISCORDIA

Eris Told Me To Publish This Book

Voices of Chaos is a collection of interviews with:

Eris Speaks Directly To Me